Attachment parenting involves a great deal of commitment from both parents. The very idea of ensuring that your baby does not feel abandoned takes a great deal of time and effort from both partners. Moms especially feel this burden, and it may be several months before moms are comfortable leaving their baby, even for short periods of time. This can be frustrating for both partners, who undoubtedly love their baby, but also want to maintain a loving, romantic relationship with one another.

The first thing to understand is that attachment parenting does NOT mean that parents should never leave their children with anyone else, ever. What it does mean is that parents should not simply dump their child off on a stranger and go away, leaving the child feeling anxiety ridden and abandoned.

Next, understand that it is in your baby’s best interest for the two of you to maintain a healthy relationship, and part of that is occasionally going somewhere by yourselves and enjoying some adult time. Without the baby. Of course, with attachment parenting, you limit your babysitting options somewhat, as you agree not to leave your baby with someone she is not familiar with. Because of this, there’s a little more work involved in arranging times for the two of you to share together. But it can be done.

The best thing you can do for your relationship is to make it a point to be intentional and plan ahead. Introduce people into your baby’s life who you feel would be a good fit. These can include grandparents and aunts and uncles, of course, as well as friends. You can even include the often stereotyped teen babysitter if you like. The difference is that you introduce these people into your baby’s life several times while you are there before ever leaving your baby with them. Allow your baby to get to know them, to see that they are “part of the family”, so to speak. Make sure to let them handle baby, too, so baby will be accustomed to them, and so you can see which ones baby bonds to. These are your best options for babysitters.

Finally, make regular plans to go out alone. Whether you go out once a month, twice a month, or more or less often is up to you and your comfort level, as well as your baby’s comfort level. Start by taking short dates, then gradually increase the amount of time you are away. You should be able to gauge how long your baby can handle you being away, and by communicating with one another, you can determine how long the two of you are comfortable being away from your baby. At any rate, regardless of how often or how long you go away, it is important that you make time for just the two of you. Important for you, and, in the long run, important for baby, too.

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